We all know we as human beings tend to focus more on the negatives than positives when it comes to our own issues. That’s our natural habitat. But just stop and think for a moment. Are all your negative thoughts and self-criticism rational?
A 2005 study conducted by Cornell University showed that 85% of what we worry about never happens. The study also concluded that,
“97% of our worries are baseless and result from an unfounded pessimistic perception.”
For many of us, the hardest person to direct kindness to is ourselves. More often than not, we use negative self-talk to be harsh on ourselves. But it might just be one of the greatest barriers to sound mental health.
What are Negative Self Talks?
There are many ways we negatively assess ourselves in different tough situations. Psychologist Nick Wignall has discussed different types of negative self-talks in this article which you can check out. The most common forms of unhelpful self-talk that lead to us feeling bad about ourselves are summarized below:
What Makes Negative Self-Talk So Detrimental?
Like a narrator in a book, we talk to ourselves in our heads about what’s going on in our lives. Self-talk makes sense of the world around us and the way we communicate with our inner self. Our thoughts influence our emotions. So, that means our thinking habits will dictate how we feel on a regular basis. This is one of the most important ideas in all of psychology.
Of course, human misery and mental health include more than our habit of self-talk. But more often than not, our mental habits are frequently an overlooked part of the puzzle that is mental health.
As the way we think about ourselves habitually is directly related to how we feel, negative self-talk has huge practical implications. Let’s talk about them.
The Toxic Impact Of Negative Self Talk
Negativity inherently causes more harm than good. And when it’s negative self-talk, it directly impacts our mental health.
Extreme Perfectionism
Due to the minimization of your good qualities and black & white thinking, you seem to think that perfectionism is achievable. Nothing is ever good enough for you and even positive outcomes can’t cheer you up. In a research study that analyzed 47 studies indicated that positive self-talk is beneficial for good performance.
But it also showed that negative self-talk did not impede performance. Yes, maybe the want to be perfect makes a person work twice as hard but research has also shown that high achievers tend to do better than their perfectionistic counterparts because they are generally less stressed and are happy with a job well done.
Decreased Self-esteem and Confidence
When you dismiss all your efforts and minimize your positive qualities, there’s little that you can be confident about. Research studies show that self-talk reduced anxiety and increased self-confidence (Hatzigeorgiadis, Zourbanos, Mpoumpaki, &Theodorakis, 2009). This means negative self-talk clearly has a deteriorating effect on our self-image and confidence.
Increased Mental Health Issues
Negative self-talk plays a major role in increasing the impact of anxiety, stress and depression, as per multiple studies conducted in the past years.
- One large-scale study found that rumination and self-blame over negative events were linked to an increased risk of mental health problems.
- Research has found that focusing on negative thoughts may lead to decreased motivation as well as greater feelings of helplessness This type of critical inner dialogue has even been linked to depression.
- Research indicates that negative self-talk is correlated with depression. Kendall, Howard, and Hays (1989) found that depressed individuals had more negative self-statements than other groups.
- If people have already experienced a negative or stressful event, and then repetitively think or talk to themselves about it, it can lead to or exacerbate depression. This may indicate that self-talk in a stressful situation can increase one’s stress (Watkins, 2008).
Does Social Media Lead To Increased Self-Hatred I.E., Negative Self-Talk?
Do you feel like everyone is enjoying their youth except you?
Why is everyone always going on trips, getting promotions, and winning at life in general?
How come they have everything sorted out?
Am I the only one who’s in their pajamas and binge-watching Netflix on a Tuesday night?
Why is everyone so productive and hot at the same time?
Social media might be the biggest fuel to our self-doubt and self-hatred in this age of technology. One-click and a fine day you are having will get overloaded with self-loathing. Social media plays a major role in curating self-doubt within impressionable teens whose sense of self is still underdeveloped. They see this picture-perfect person in their picture-perfect lives promoting unrealistic beauty standards and start their journey of engaging in negative self-talk.
There’s been a lot of discussions already regarding the impact of social media in our everyday lives. But it’s unfortunate that a lot of people still don’t realize that social media is a montage of our peak moments, our highs. It’s not our whole life. Making an active effort to not internalize everything we see on social media is not that hard. But first, we need to admit that it is indeed a problem.
Is Negative Self Talk More Prominent in Asian Households?
In a research study, it was found that East Asians had a significantly larger proportion of negative to positive self-talk than European Americans. But surprisingly enough negative self-talk impacts East Asians’ performance positively. Another 2002 research study showed that Asians report the lowest level of self-esteem among other nationalities.
Although I haven’t found any conclusive research study that shows negative self-talk is more prominent in Asian households, it is not hard to prove that Asian parents have the strictest standards for their children when it comes to academics or just life in general. We often hear stories of how many parents in our country undermine the achievements of their kids or compare them with other children in a way to demean them.
These parents also continuously strive for perfectionism in their children although they themselves are miles away from it.
So, it’s understandable if an individual with parents like that has lower self-esteem which compels them to indulge in negative self-talk frequently.
How To Stop Negative Self-Talk
We already know thoughts mediate emotions. That means if we want to change how we feel, we must learn how to change how we think. Particularly, we must learn to recognize and examine our patterns of thinking and talking to ourselves. if we want to feel better on a regular basis.
Being Aware and Mindful
Psychologist LaToya Gaines says,
“Usually, negative self-talk is so automatic that it happens outside of conscious awareness.”
It’s true that one cannot suddenly become positive and abandon negative self-talk. But you can easily get mindful of the things you are saying to yourself. If you catch yourself undermining your own accomplishments, you can stop your thought by saying “Stop” aloud or in your mind. Once you get better at noticing how you talk to yourself, it will get easier to change your thoughts to a more positive or neutral one.
Asking the Right Questions
I know being rational when emotion levels are high is hard. But it’s not impossible to try it out. Suppose your friend is not responding to you on time, and you start thinking “she is so mad at me because of something last Tuesday I didn’t reply to her on time” you need to challenge yourself with questions like:
- Is there any proof to back up this claim?
- Is the thought valid, or is it merely my interpretation?
The next time you start spiraling and reading minds—take a step back. Breathe deeply and ask yourself rational questions. You will be less freaked out then.
Jotting Down Your Positives
When you catch yourself just focusing on everything negative and magnifying it, try to write down all the things that are positives. It can be your accomplishments, your good moral qualities, or the time you helped someone out. Life will get much more beautiful if you start to look at the glass as half full, instead of half empty.
Fostering Positive Self Talk
Positive self-talk can boost your self-esteem and make you feel better in general. Start by replacing negative self-talk with positive self-talk.
Here are some ways to incorporate positive self-talk when you are indulging in negative self-talk:
- Negative: I am completely responsible for the downfall of this project, I’m such a failure.
- Positive: I did an okay job, but I can do better. I’ll learn from my mistakes and correct them. Next time, I will prepare and rehearse more.
- Negative: I am such an idiot. I always make the silliest mistakes.
- Positive: I am human and sometimes I make mistakes. I am doing my best.
- Negative: I am sure that I will get an F in this course.
- Positive: I have studied as much as I could, but my exam was not up to the mark. I can’t change what has already been done. I am hoping for the best.
Conclusion
It’s very easy to get lost in a swarm of negative thoughts in the world we live in due to the company we surround ourselves by. We have to unlearn our habit of undermining ourselves, fight off the instincts that urge us to do so, adapt to the new practice of actively uplifting ourselves — quite honestly, it may seem a bit overwhelming, and maybe even too much to ask for.
But it’s not impossible. Even a shred of the energy we put in to uplift our friends will be enough to get rid of the negative self-talks. We should try our utmost to make conscious efforts to uplift ourselves through positive self-talk, for our own sake and for the sake of the people we hold close to our hearts.
We don’t deserve to be made sad by ourselves. We deserve a lot better.