If you have had your intimate photos leaked, you have already gone through a whirlwind of emotions. Once the dust settles down and you have to move on with your life, you have to be careful that you don’t carry the scars of this experience with you for the foreseeable future.
Having your trust breached hurts, and it is very easy to end up doing something you would not want to in a situation like this. Here is an analysis of possible actions.
The Don’ts
1. Do not blame yourself: Keep in mind that you are in the clear here. You did nothing wrong. Trusting the wrong person can be hurtful, but you did your part. The person that breaks consent and/or breaches trust is the person in the wrong. It is high time we started blaming the criminal and not the victim, and that starts with you loving and appreciating yourself.
2. Do not try to change any part of your life: It is hard to constantly think about which of the people have seen you, but do not let it affect your life. Keep in mind that your work defines your value, and not a bunch of photos. There is nothing shameful in being wronged and accepting it. You will try turning your life around and starting anew with a completely different group of people. I hope you do not follow through on your plan. You will not get any peace of mind doing such.
3. Do not fear judgement: It honestly is not worth it. People might think a lot of things, guess whom that does not affect? You. If people pay no heed to your personal space, then that is their problem. You are not entitled to either change or try to please them. That is not your job.
4. Do not try to harm the culprit: While calling up your bros and beating up the jerk might seem tempting, it will not change anything. Rather, it will only make you responsible for a battery, which makes you a culprit as well. Your assaulter deserves punishment, and therefore, gather as much evidence as possible and report them to the authorities. Getting your own hands dirty will not help, and when you are back to your senses, nobody will be sympathetic to you for being “out of your mind”.
5. Do not hate yourself: This is not your fault. None of this is. Keep telling yourself that. Hate the culprits, not yourself. Do not harm yourself in anyway. Know that there are people who want to help.
The Dos
1. Contact the authority: This is the most important step. Revenge porn is a criminal offense. Make sure to keep all the screenshots of the person that made the post, or shared to someone over Messenger or any other text service. The authority is specifically vigilant in this regard. Call 999 and talk to them. Contact the local police station and ask for a female officer. Know that you are not alone, and you are not a disgusting blob. There are people willing to help.
2. Ask the website to take it down: The webpage owners are well aware that the sharing of nudes without consent is punishable and therefore it is not within their interests to allow any such action in their website. They however, do not always get to keep tabs on the content being shared. This is why it is imperative to contact the website as soon as you find out about your photos being shared without your consent. You can remain hopeful that the photos or videos will be taken down.
3. Seek help: There is nothing wrong with breaking down and crying. It is also okay to want someone to share your problems with. Try talking to someone you trust. Seek professional help. Organizations like Oroddho Foundation specialize in mental health and provide counselling for people in need.
4. Accept: You can never know for sure how many people have seen you naked. But you will need to move on with your life. As mentioned earlier, what you do with your body does not define you, the net positive impact that you have on an individual’s life does. Worrying about people that judge honor and dignity of an individual based on the state of their body are not worth being anxious over. You need to keep doing what you love doing. It can be difficult having to see your assaulter every day, which is why you need to complain to the authorities. But after that, you need to get back on your running boots and start running again. Your life must not stop.
5. Learn to judge: Nobody can judge you based on what you do with your body. However, it is important to try to judge the intentions of the person you choose to trust. What I mean is that, someone that leaks nudes obviously does not understand consent. This means that he resides within the normalized misogyny in the society. Look for signs. If he abuses you, leave him. If he asks a second time after rejecting, be it an intimate photo or sex, leave him. If he blackmails you, take legal help. You are precious, and nobody deserves to treat you any less. Do not worry about what people think, if people think you following your heart is wrong, then the people do not deserve your attention.
Here’s a truth: life will not sort itself out; it is going to be hard from this point onwards. What’s most important is keeping your cool. Be strong at times of distress, and look for help. Because there are lots of institutions that are looking for troubled souls such as yourself. Things will get better, and life will get back to normal at some point. Until then, be strong, and hang on.