As I begin to envision a life where my existence revolves around the needs and wants of a family to which I’ve no blood ties whatsoever, I cannot help but question the bigotry held by the same society that, on one side of the coin, lauds the perception of welcoming a new family member and tactfully disdains the desires of the newcomer on the other side of it.
The path from wife to homemaker often involves its own set of challenges. A dyadic relationship, like marriage, is a partnership between two people who must be there for one another.
Responsibilities for in-laws should be divided rather than falling exclusively on one partner.
A wife should be able to decide how much time and effort she can dedicate to her in-laws without jeopardizing her well-being or the requirements of her immediate family.
Societal norms often take a toll on women’s ability to fulfil traditional roles, leading to mental health issues. Gender roles and societal expectations are major contributing factors to women’s higher risk of depression than men, according to a 2020 World Health Organization (WHO) report.
Geographic differences and relative perceptions
Before diving into the perceived post-marital responsibilities of a woman, it is integral that we take a step back and scrutinize the expectations from both parties: the wife and the in-laws.
This stance may significantly differ depending on geographical influence.
Between Eastern and Western cultural perspectives, people living in Eastern countries seem more acquainted with this form of homemaking. The in-laws expect the wife to be readily available to them as part of their traditional family values and as a sign of respect and duty. The wife might struggle to balance these expectations with her personal and professional aspirations, which may cause resentment and frustration later. Conversely, in Western cultures, in-laws are typically more adapted to valuing the autonomy and personal space of the married couple. Dimensions of the early relationship and future relationship expectations may affect subsequent in-law ties.
The film “The Wedding Banquet” explores the clash between traditional Taiwanese values and modern Western ideals. We can see how the protagonist, Wai-Tung, who lives in New York, has adopted more modern Western values that emphasize individual autonomy. The movie underscores a state of tension between these Western values and the imposition of traditional Eastern expectations. He agrees to a sham marriage to appease his parents, further complicating his situation. All in all, even though the movie ends on a hopeful note, it broadly depicts how individuals might conform to traditional family expectations, even if it means living a lie. The quality of spouses’ relationships with their parents-in-law could be a strong predictor. It could have a significant influence on their marital success. Longitudinal research shows that disputes in extended family relationships eventually weaken marriage stability, happiness, and commitment—even in long-term unions. More often than not, burdening the newlywed with producing offspring through nauseating humor puts the couple into mutual unrest and disharmony. Another clichéd dogma that has taken over the marriage market is culinary expertise as a prerequisite for marriage, which is only obligatory for women.
For instance, the book “Madhur Jaffrey’s Indian Cooking” portrays the act of preparing meals as often seen not only as a daily chore but also as a way to uphold family traditions, which is another perceived way to express care and respect for the family. While the cookbook primarily highlights the recipes, it subtly points to the historical and cultural shifts in Indian society. By providing detailed recipes with excellent cooking tips, Jaffrey’s work skillfully aligns with the traditional expectation that the culinary expertise of a woman is a mark of their capability and dedication.
However, counting on someone as a family member is one thing, and coaxing her to sacrifice her will and settle in is another. One typical example of the sacrifice-for-the-greater-good saga could be the number of needless, unreasonable, and ostentatious wishes that our mothers and their mothers have foregone for their families. This unhealthy promotion and glorification of one’s irrational choices further set a frightful example, creating a sense of antipathy regarding marriage.
The infamous ‘Patriarchy’
One critical question still might be hovering in the air: Why does the given issue call out the role of women and not men? Why is it not the other way around?
With patriarchy having spread its tentacles in every sphere of society, the autonomy of women remains an unsolved issue to date. The harrowing internalization of patriarchal norms subtly brainwashes a wife into believing that they must serve their in-laws; any divergence may beget guilt and can lead to social stigma, criticism, or, even worse, ostracism.
It should not come as a surprise if, globally, depression affects about 264 million people, with homemakers being disproportionately affected. In regions like South Asia, where cultural norms often place significant responsibilities on women as caregivers, the rates of depression can be exceptionally high. A study in India found that caregivers, who are primarily homemakers, face a substantial risk of poor health and depression due to the demanding nature of their role.
Statistics show that, more often than not, it is women who bear the brunt of household responsibilities, causing burnout and a loss of personal identity. According to a 2021 study by the Pew Research Center, women in heterosexual marriages continue to do more household work than their male counterparts, spending an average of 2.5 hours each day on housework. to men’s 1.9 hours. This disproportionate burden can result in women having less time for personal development and self-care, contributing to the erosion of their identity over time.
A wife’s unnoticed labour in the family results in irksome exhaustion, often causing a frenzy of rage. If the only motivation for getting out of bed in the morning is to make the perfect tea with the perfect sugar, one might feel wretchedly adrift considering her utter disregard for her choices.
It is funny how, half of the time, it is women dragging other women down in this endless chronicle of fighting for a place.
When they realize they’ve been spreading themselves too thin, the possibility of securing a firm grip over her liberty to choose remains a distant dream.
Research from McKinsey & Company found that gender equality, including household responsibilities, could add $12 trillion to global GDP by 2025. The statistics not only highlight the importance of encouraging gender equality at home but also raise awareness of women’s unsung work as homemakers.
Families can create a more supportive and empowering environment by addressing the unequal distribution of household responsibilities and carefully dealing with traditional societal expectations. This shift benefits women and leads to more robust, resilient family units and broader egalitarian gains.