This article was co-written by Fariha Lamisa and Feda Al Hossain
In Bangladesh, friendship between a man and a woman is often shunned by society. Oftentimes, these types of friendships would either be scorned for its perceived lack of morals or be expected to conclude in marriage. In these friendships, if any type of violation occurs, the female is much more likely to be criticized and victim-blamed by society. Although unappealing, this is not shocking to someone who has the slightest idea of Bangladeshi people’s conviction to patriarchal norms and taboo about male-female friendships.
According to popular narratives in relation to Bangladeshi people (or broadly to South Asian society), men and women must maintain distance in order to prevent untoward events. This distance is both physical and emotional. In terms of physical distance, it can be noticed that Bangladesh strictly maintains gender segregation in educational institutions both at school and college level. Schools that are co-ed, also maintain segregated columns of seats in the classroom. Besides, it is encouraged for youth to keep emotional distance from the opposite gender of people (i.e. not taking them as friends). Although, this segregation gets reduced at university level as most of the renowned universities of the country are co-ed. However, at that point, due to years of reinforcement, huge numbers of students have already internalized the taboo about opposite gender friendship.
Now the question is, why some countries, despite living in the 21st century, still subscribe to this regressive notion, what its impacts are and what we can do about it.
The reason behind the persistence of this narrative
The reason behind the persistence of the narrative that male and female cannot be friends can be analyzed in multiple layers of socio-cultural aspects. These include patriarchal interpretation of religion and lack of sex education.
Firstly, patriarchal interpretations of religion have been a contributing factor to sustaining taboo regarding the sexes. Although it cannot be known from when major cultures (i.e.; subcontinental) started to practice this sex segregation.
For instance, many people from South Asia still subscribe to the notion that men and women should be segregated as part of religious practice.
In order to sanction this claim, various religious texts have often been cited. However, this claim of divine instruction has been contested by modern scholars, who point out that major organized religion has been mostly interpreted by powerful men and that is why patriarchal interpretations are dominant.
Secondly, the lack of sex education in the Bangladeshi curriculum does not allow adolescents to have a safe introduction to intercourse. Besides, as sex is considered a taboo topic, parents and children rarely end up discussing it.
Oftentimes, children grow up getting ideas of sex only from television and the Internet, which often can be misleading.
Moreover, as gender segregation is practiced widely in Bangladesh, there is little interaction between men and women. As a result, misconceptions about the opposite gender keep persisting. This essentially ends up preventing healthy interaction between men and women. So, the slightest gesture of friendship (i.e. a friendly touch) is sometimes viewed as a romantic approach.
Why this misconception is wrong
The reason between the misconception regarding male and female friendship is based mostly on stereotypes, unfair biases and myths. Society thrives when both men and women interact together, be it on social fronts or at work.
Blaming religion is common, but religious texts don’t prohibit men from working with women or from treating them with respect. Unfortunately, radical people exist everywhere and they always try to frame something that is beneficial for their own gains or cater to their own conservative values.
Women are, after all, half the population of this world, and there’s simply no way any society can progress without positive foundations like male-female friendship. In conservative niches of our society, men and women from a young age are kept separated strictly. Depending on the school and college they attend, it’s very possible to lead a life without having a single friend from the opposite sex.
However, this presents a challenge when men and women have to interact when they are studying in the same university, or at an office at the start of their career. Because a culture of healthy interaction has eluded them for most part of their life, they struggle to cope with any relationships that are non platonic.
How we can change this misconception
The best way to change this misconception is to start early; right from our education system, by reforming it according to modern-day standards such as introducing sex education, do away with segregating the sexes in class rooms so that both boys and girls can interact with each other meaningfully, and incorporate a system where cooperation, be it with studying or extra curricular activities, is a fundamental part.
A big part of ensuring healthy friendship rests on both men and women. As there is no alternative to being consciously careful when you want to make new friends, it’s very normal if you are attracted to someone and you should then approach them the right way.
But masking your feelings in the guise of friendship and then acting like you have been wronged when the other person does not reciprocate is the kind of slippery slope that should be avoided at any cost.
Open and honest communication is of utmost importance for dispelling any misconception that surrounds friendships. We need to have open discussions regarding boundaries, desires and any potential feelings that can stem from the friendship to navigate any complex situations. This transparency is essential as a foundation for fostering more authentic friendships.