“There are gonna be times when you have a boyfriend and I don’t or when I have a boyfriend and you don’t but the point is since we’re best friends forever, no matter what we have to be honest with each other,” exclaimed Teddy to Ivy in the infamous Disney TV series Good Luck Charlie, adapted by Disney India, and popular in Bangladesh, as Best of Luck Nikki, aired in the early to mid-2010s.
While the idea that a boyfriend or girlfriend cannot take the place of the best friend (other than the rare cases where they happen to be the same person) has been regarded dearly, what about when it comes to the Number One in your life? Try to contextualize this in the long-term. Does your best friend still hold that place? Or, is it some yet-to-meet and yet-to-know Mr/Ms Perfect?
There is no doubt that every individual has the right to decide whom she or he wants to prioritize over everyone else. And though this is not some formal declaration, acts of mutuality and emotional support characterize the relationship as the one with the utmost importance. Nonetheless, the adult life in our judgmental society, always being scrutinized to fit some perceived harmonious framework, doesn’t reinforce that freedom. So, what does this framework look like . . . well, marriage or more-widely a romantic partnership being the star around which all other relationships orbit. In fact, this structure exerts a social pressure under which individuals have to prioritize the family they are even yet to make over the family that made them (and guess what, gender-based stereotypes make it even worse).
Let’s look at it from the other way round, what if friendship is at the focus of life instead of marriage? And the romantic partner has to adapt to your friendship rather than your friend adapting to the partner? What if you choose to place your friend as your Number One, not just for Instagram posts but in real life? . . . What does it even mean by real life? Well, that is definitely after you are done living off your parents – perhaps holding your friend’s legal power of attorney or using joint credit cards; and most importantly, your status of with or without a romantic partner would not affect these.
Well, such care and understanding where friends may fill in parenting duties for each other or even rent a house to live together is referred to as a platonic friendship. The friends may or may not be in separate romantic relationships but still prioritize each other over their respective romantic partners. Since ‘friends’ in general do not suffice the depth of their relationship, addresses like ‘platonic life partners’ and ‘soul friends’ may be preferred by some. Nevertheless, legal and social expectations try to concentrate these committed friendships into siblinghood or wedlock without truly recognizing them. For example, bereavements and “family” leaves are not applicable for friends because in the eyes of the law, friendship is below the hierarchy of marriage and blood kinship.
Legal recognition of committed friendships can not only settle awkward questions from curious strangers but also expand the definition of loving and living. It may also help redirect the narrative that a romantic relationship is key to a successful adult life. For individuals with one or more failed romantic relationships, such a narrative can prove to be fatal not allowing them to be able to rejuvenate. Not to mention it may get frustrating in the status-quo of so many social expectations from the relationship. On the other hand, in the case of a platonic relationship, whether the friend is in the house next door or miles apart, social expectations don’t come into play and hence, transparency of thoughts and trust of the two can perhaps more easily be sustained.
Platonic friendships may be of same-sex or cross-sex. While platonic friendships are okay (it would be rather weird if they were not), what is unrelatable to most is a platonic friendship being the focus of a person’s life. Same-sex platonic friendships have been there for centuries as men and women lived in social spheres of segregation. Men and women fulfilling traditional gender roles keep company of the same often amusing each other on how ‘the partner doesn’t understand’. In their cases, the partner is usually the marital partner. No matter how close they are to the platonic partner, the social construct puts marriage at center. Why can they not break free? Well, that’s because of the financial and economic dependence (or rather paralysis) of women on men. And that’s why as the socio-economic status of women is increasing, people in general are considering spiritual intimacy over physical and emphasizing on emotions driving the relation rather than just checking off marriage from the “To-Do”. Hence, platonic relationships are becoming more and more relevant. Even in the case of marriages, the most successful ones are where the partners start up as best friends with spiritual support for each other.
As the social spheres are evolving, and men and women are getting involved in both corporate and cooking, a wider ground to connect platonically has developed. Cross-sex platonic friendship is a rather modern and often a misunderstood relationship. On the other hand, same-sex platonic friendship is increasingly being thought of as queer. Yeah, again misunderstood as romance!
Who you end up caring the most for is not something that can be forced into by social standards but something that lies where the mental momentum resonates. It is insane (and in fact beautiful) as to how a committed friendship is not initiated as a commitment rather the dedication is a pure product of love, care and bonding growing overtime. Perhaps everyone needs an inspiration to get off the bed every morning. And that inspiration may come in the form of a friendship, and when it does, maybe that is what ‘At The Centre of Life’ looks like.
