Our twenties are a weird time. We grow through a lot of changes, often very fast, and by the time these years are winding up, we are still in the process of discovering ourselves. Friends are a key part of that process, and as time passes, making (and losing) friends can become quite complicated.
Things were pretty easy when we were children. We just had to play with each other, and later, talk about our common interests (like comic books or Dragonball Z) to become friends with someone. And then there were your cousins, and you were friendly with them, too!
Things are different when it comes to college, but we often underestimate how easy it is for us to make friends there. For me, it was especially meaningful since I got to spend time with the same batch of people throughout all of those four years. You get used to everyone and their personalities, and then by the time university ends, you rarely realise that your life will get much more messy once you graduate.
Once that happens, you no longer have a group of same aged peers who are in the same boat as you and have similar interests. You are left to fend for yourself.
When it comes to adulthood, it’s not just your job, also everything else: your relationship, hobbies (and hopes and dreams). These are, in a sense, full time jobs too. Finding time in the middle of all of that to meet new people and get them know well enough to make friends seems like a tall order. And besides, there’s a lot of trial and error involved with the whole process: at the outset, you never know who’s really going to be a good friend and who’s not.
It’s been two weeks since I started my master’s program, and one thing that has struck me is how almost no one sticks around to socialize once classes are over. At this stage in life, most people have their own things to worry about and take care of, and often, life takes on predictable, even mundane characteristics that leave little room for change. How do people connect with each other in such circumstances? Through apps, for one. Meetup is a great way to discover events and groups that cater to your interests- although in Bangladesh, Facebook groups like Litmosphere are more helpful in that regard.
Of course, If you still live in the same city as your old friends, then count yourself lucky: moving to a new place means getting to know everything- and everyone- from scratch. I have met a few acquaintances who have also made the long journey to New York from places like India and China, and they return to their homes once or twice a year, or at even longer intervals.
To make friends in these circumstances, you often have to venture outside of your comfort zone, and sometimes, that’s easier said than done, especially if you are an introvert overwhelmed by the newness of everything around you. But if you push through that and put yourself out there, you will find new experiences on the other end.
Sometimes, you grow up expecting to have a group of friends with you at all times, going through the same set of experiences that you do. While that definitely happens in some cases, often adulting means that you have to explore new groups of people as you transition from one stage of life to another, and make just as memorable experiences as the ones you made before.
For many, life is all about variety, and perhaps getting to experience that kind of variety is a blessing in disguise.
As I grow older, I suppose I will have to find that balance between rekindling (and maintaining) old friendships and getting to know new people. As an introvert, sometimes I feel like just foregoing socializing altogether and just stick to writing and Netflix for a while. But friendships aren’t a luxury- they are a necessary part of your emotional well being. And one of the things you learn early into adulthood is how important it is to take care of yourself.
As for your old friends, learn to live and let live. Life often gets in the way of keeping up with each other, so don’t be hard on them (or yourself) if you find that you are losing touch with them. Often we evolve into different people, and that means letting go of the ties that previously bound us. Just allow yourself to be open to new experiences. You never know what you might find.