When we jump from begging to thanking the patriarchy for our basic rights, we aren’t celebrating empathy and empowerment, but are feeding into the misogyny far more dangerously than the obvious.
Us brown women have a reputation for either being satisfied too easily or never being content with what we have; both of these opinions are extensively patronized to preserve a woman’s dignity and battered with the villainy of being overly ambitious.
While a high achieving Bangladeshi woman gets celebrated by the social media keyboard warriors after a video of her debating goes viral, the same hands are busy choking and crushing the dreams of another girl with the same potential.
Arguments on the matter include: “She achieved all of this at a time when women had no rights, but you girls have too much freedom so you’re misusing it.” Do we see a pattern here? I guess so.
No two women out of five have the same definition of what’s “normal” in their lives. You will notice that differences are drastic, defying logic at times, and absurdly curbed to sound convincing. Not a single one of them would have you say that their view is manipulated or confined in some way, because that’s something they have fostered in themselves for ages.
More than half of the male species is more enraged by notions to get rid of toxic masculinity, reserved bus seats and female quotas than they are by sexual harassment, rape and domestic abuse of women. Funny, because they moral high ground can only get so far.
Let me give you an interesting reference from my own life. Since I am the eldest in the family, my dad had to provide me with an adequate and extravagantly International education. He is all in for my career in whatever field I choose unless it has to do with fieldwork or joining the family business. You see, that’s not a job you offer up to your daughter, because legacy is for men to drag on.
I was a thorough Business topper in my high school, but my book had probably missed out on the most important lesson in entrepreneurship: the prerequisite of being from the dominant gender.
Knights of the Square Table
There are always gonna be men who tell you that they understand why we want equality or independence but they will go ahead and mansplain it.
There are always gonna be women who tell you to reduce your “feminism antics” so that you become more suitable for marriage or conform to the societal norms.
The price that we pay for wanting nothing more than the freedom of exercising rights our opposite gender is born with, intimidates certain women from even seeking it. I remember asking my mom why she adheres to the bizzare demands of her in-laws- my paternal family, unfortunately- when she’s an educated woman of the 20th century.
Her reply is the usual, “আমার তো সংসার করতে হবে, নাকি?” (I have a marriage to protect.)
Taken care of
My general sense of pessimism about a woman’s future in this country comes from my personal observations of “strong” women turning into silent warriors, hiding behind walls to tell their tales- or simply not saying anything- and becoming full-time, unpaid chefs, cleaners and nannies.
I know there are women in our subcontinent and around the world who enjoy being housewives, and full-time mothers, but have you thought about it: how come it never surprises us, or how is it that we immediately dismiss it as being the normal order of things?
Since medieval times, it has been believed that a woman’s job is to nurture her womb, create and take care of families. No one likes a woman who knows too much, speaks too much or lets her strengths show.
How come, if we accomplished all that we deserve, do I have to explain my rights over my own body? How come I am not the “right girl” for someone if I dress a certain way, and still get asked disturbing questions about whether or not my lifestyle is of an ideal future mother?
My male counterparts can laugh at these questions, clink their glasses to each other’s as they make it through the night, while I have to sit back and dream about moving to a country where I can do the same.
The daily power struggle I reflect by raising my voice against my father’s, or trying to convince some other girl or woman that they deserve better treatment is less than half the path we expected to pave by now.
When some body tells you that you don’t need feminism anymore in 2019, ask them whether or not they would like to normalize women who won’t make adjustments to their lifestyles to become acceptable. Ask them, whether or not, they see that the glass is half, or three quarters empty.