The only time people are willing to engage in dialogue about women’s rights is perhaps once a year on Women’s Day. Even then, there are people complaining left and right about how this day is “unnecessary”.
There’s this very common line that has been repeated way more times than it should have: “She is too independent, I can’t date her. She will dominate me.” The fear of inferiority entailed with a woman’s independence is why we need to talk about it.
I have seen women in positions of power, being treated with utmost respect, but I have also seen their character being challenged at any minor inconvenience. I have seen a husband treating his wife with absolute love and care, but I have seen the same person trampling all her dreams when she said she wanted to build her own career. I have seen a woman blamed for not being “satisfactory enough” because her husband cheated on her.
I have seen a daughter being treated like a princess when she was growing up, and then being slut-shamed by her own parents for wearing something that they considered “culturally inappropriate”.
Why is it, that people look at my parents with pity in their eyes when they hear they have two daughters but no sons?
How A Woman Should Be:
In the nineteen years of inhabiting this world, I have been told by multiple people through multiple mediums about how a woman should behave, dress or design her lifestyle.
Most of these conversations would end with me getting offended and the other person saying, “You’re still young; you don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Patriarchy has convinced our women and society that it’s completely normal for a girl to be judged based on her clothes and appearance, that it’s okay for them poke their misogynistic fingers at her personality because there is a certain image of a girl that is deemed “acceptable”.
A friend of mine is constantly bullied by her parents because they consider her appearance to be too “masculine” and even tried to talk her into a gender alteration surgery so that she would be a “proper male”; her fault? She keeps her hair short.
Being an acceptable woman in our society means having a proportionate body, long hair, feminine etiquette and most importantly, obedience. In short, you might be called a “wife material” if you can also tick off amazing cooking and housekeeping skills.
Some people even go as far as to putting girls through fertility tests, so that they can properly ensure that she would make a “good mother”.
Somehow, in cases of divorce, domestic abuse, or rape, people try to justify the acts by analyzing the victim (usually a woman); “What was she wearing? Was she the feminist kind? I bet she was having an affair! She works/goes to parties”. You’re going to point out that it’s ridiculous? No, they’ll tell you you’re ridiculous.
In a recent interview of Indian poet and lyricist Javed Akhtar, he mentioned how romanticizing the roles of a mother is a massive reason behind the growth of internalized misogyny. He justified his statement by saying, that growing up, when a man is told to respect his mother simply because of the biological connection, he learns to picture her in a single dimension.
He will keep making Utopian comparisons that will never satisfy him, because he fails to see that human beings differ in character and through generations.
When his wife cannot fill those shoes, he either starts abusing her to retain control, or replaces her.
The Fault in our Strength
In conclusion, the reason for this inferiority complex, or inability to cope with relationships where women are treated equally links back to the patriarchy which has encouraged the belief that men must always stay in the lead, the acceptance that they are indeed the dominant race. It is this fear that stops the masses from supporting or engaging in the empowerment of women because they feel like they will “lose their spot”.
A family friend of mine who works in a corporate field, earning a decent salary in a reputable position met up with a guy her parents deemed fit as a husband for her. Once the date was over, the first condition the guy had for their marriage, was that she would have to leave her job because she was in a higher position than he was. When she refused, the guy’s family spread vicious rumors about her, painting her out to be “illegible for marriage.”
The government talks about women empowerment by showing us bland statistics of the rise in educated or working women. The fact that the statistics for sexual violence is at an all-time high or that the wage gap between men and women differs by several digits doesn’t seem to be considered in these claims.
There is perhaps a getaway, I often hear people say, “Move to a country where women have more rights”; but I also hear things like, “There are countries where women don’t get out of their homes; what are you complaining about?”
What they do not realize is, a society that shames me for exercising my basic human rights and feels like I am to be held accountable for my lifestyle because I am a woman, is not better than one that doesn’t even acknowledge women’s rights.
Hence, I would rather not be strong, I would rather be a “good girl”, curled up safely in my house, wearing decent clothes, praying that a family member doesn’t rape me; I’d rather be in my limits, be home by sunset, and wait until a prince comes and sweeps me off my feet, only to be his housekeeper and heir-provider.
I would rather watch my hourglass run out.