Millennials are often slated for a variety of things. We are lazy, flaky and indecisive. Apparently, we are also responsible for killing off romance.
Technology is at the heart of this debate. As we grew up, our access to newer technology provided newer avenues of dating. A lot of fuss has been made about Tinder and the hookup culture it promotes, and how social media in general has an insulating effect on us, isolating us from the environment around us. Most of us can relate with the almost paralysing terror of the prospect of having to approach someone face to face without getting to know them via texting first.
The Tightrope Act of Texting
As great as texting is, it doesn’t quite provide the context and meaning that you get from having a conversation with someone sitting in front of you. There are far too many instances in texting where things start out great and then you hit a lull in conversation that extends until you eventually stop talking to each other.
There is a delicate balance in texting, where you have to appear interested but not too interested, maintaining a veneer of cool indifference that keeps the chase going for the time being.
There’s also the matter of ghosting, which sucks, even when you are the one doing it.
It doesn’t help either that, statistically, we were more likely to have grown up in homes filled with domestic unrest. Often, that puts us off the prospect of long term relationships altogether. Even without such complications, one thing that often comes up about the barrier to better relationships is our lack of commitment. It’s why Tinder is primarily used for hookups.
Why We Can Make Relationships Work
I think despite these unique complications, millennials are doing actually okay when it comes to relationships. We are simply asking for different things when it comes to relationships, and not always looking for them in the best places. There is also the notion that, in a world where the grass is always greener, we often question ourselves about finding someone better.
Values are very important for us, and in this increasingly complex world, so is flexibility. It’s important for us to be with people who resonate with what we believe in, and what things we value. And that’s what makes things worth going through complications such as long distance relationships, which are notoriously hard to maintain. Some of us prefer to settle down later- or not at all, and that’s okay, despite what our parents might tell us.
Making relationships work is hard work, especially when we are acutely aware of the ethereal nature of some, if not many, of our relationships.
Many of us won’t end up marrying the people we are dating.
That means we end up going one of two ways with our relationships. We go through them in autopilot mode, never committing, sometimes preferring hookups and no strings attached situations. Or we grow more mindful about the fragility of what we have, and put more of an effort into making our relationships fruitful.
One of the ways our relationships can be better than some of the relationships we see older generations partake in is that we can appreciate our partners while still letting them maintain a healthy amount of personal space to be who they are.
Communication is key too, about what’s going on in our lives and also how we feel about where our relationships currently are. If you are feeling resentment or have some unaired laundry, it’s important to hash that out, or it can poison your relationship over time.
Those of us who come from broken homes and are trying to make relationships work are acutely aware of how things can end up when they go the wrong way. Love in such circumstances can take on a more meaningful, almost poignant, tone.
Why it’s Okay When Your Relationships Don’t Work
Our twenties aren’t our best years, even though we are generally free of greater responsibilities such as marriage and parenthood. There is a lot of stumbling around as we find what we are and what we are not. We start careers and try to find meaning, and often settle for things we didn’t start out looking for.
Relationships are an added wrinkle among all of that, but somehow, we are managing just fine. I think, the key to it is allowing us to be happy, and not to expect too much of ourselves and our partners. Often, heartbreak makes us unwilling to open up again, and when we start looking again, we start looking for signs of the person we lost in others. And that’s not healthy.
One of the best ways to make your relationships healthy is to love yourself first.
If you feel insecure about your partner, there is a good chance you don’t feel good about yourself, and that’s negatively affecting what you have with your significant other.
You know what? You are doing pretty okay. There are several things about you that could be improved, but that’s true for most of us. You have survived so far, and that means something. So the next time you feel a bit uncertain about life and how things are going in your relationship, try to go a little bit easy on yourself.
Don’t worry, partner- you have got this.