It’s the big day; you’re sitting next to your fiancé, ready to get hitched at long last. The makeup artist has done a splendid job, especially with your eyes. The golden-brown combination really compliments your red saree. The foundation is two shades too lighter, but oh well. You can be excused a little bit of colonialism, just this once. You think to yourself, sitting through a horde of 500-odd guests isn’t as bad as it initially sounded. But that’s before you see her strutting in. Yes, that one auntie who is not only wearing her fanciest Sabyasachi saree, but also what seems to be the entirety of her collection of gold jewellery. You simply have no idea who this woman is. Everyone thinks she is the stuff of lore until she shows up at their wedding ceremony. Like you, she also just “happens” to wear red of the brightest shade, complete with full-coverage makeup. Her favourite activity seems to be sneaking up on people in hopes of a selfie. The people accompanying her do not seem the least bit bothered, but that’s not surprising anyway. You’ve prepared for almost every emergency, except for this. But do not fret, for here are some of the most effective ways to tackle this awkward situation:
Bridesmaids to the rescue:
You know one word from you will send your precious bridesmaids scurrying for any fool’s errand. So why not utilise their skills here? Brief them about the presence of this doppelgänger and tell them to ensure she does not reach the radius of the stage.
Count on them to figure out the to-do, you already have enough on your plate. If necessary, offer incentive by reminding them that they too have worked very hard for this event. Their efforts will be in vain if you are upstaged by a random woman who looks like she just raided Apon Jewelers.
Delulu is the solulu
You’ve overcome a great many hurdles to get to this day. Be it your ex of 3 years, or that little spot on your lehenga that the tailor couldn’t quite get right. What’s one more thing? Pretend this mystery auntie simply does not exist. You truly don’t recognise her and from the looks of it, neither does your husband. So it’s highly likely that she’s another inconsequential guest. You just hope she will relish the kacchi and take her leave, not bothering to climb the stage for a quick photo with the newlyweds.
It’s dinner o’ clock
When all is said and done, you are the bride and this is your ceremony. You still hold agency over certain activities, of which dinner is the most crucial. Why not eat dinner early tonight? Chances are you haven’t eaten since 11 AM, and it would be a shame to deny yourself any further. You can ask for your dinner to be served – no one needs to know it’s because you’re avoiding confrontation with your nonchalant twin.
By the time she’s done eating, you will be too busy with dinner formalities to entertain her. Since she isn’t a close relative or friend, she probably won’t have access to your coveted dining table.
For extra security, you can ask the photographers to take pictures of only you and your husband during the meal, sparing your loved ones the hassle as well.
Sometimes, the best thing to do is nothing at all
If all else fails, accept what fate holds for you. If this comes in the form of a bejewelled tone-deaf auntie, so be it. You’re a girl’s girl and it goes against your ethics to be disturbed by the presence of this person.
She’s probably just being thrifty – buying such an expensive dress to only wear it one time doesn’t make much sense truly. Plus, she’s here for a good time, not a long one. Most importantly, you are secure enough in the knowledge that this is, after all, YOUR wedding. Maybe this isn’t an emergency at all. So why not let her exist in peace, maybe even get a few snaps with the couple? There are probably enough people poking fun at her, she doesn’t need you to add to that list.
At the end of the day, no matter what you choose to do, it’s good to remember that having this unique identity crisis is also a formative experience. Nobody (except for another bride who has lived through this) will quite understand your emotions. But you will emerge from this a stronger person, ready to tackle larger challenges that await in your conjugal life. And someday, maybe you can figure out who this woman really is.