Warning: Mentions of rape and sexual abuse
A few days ago, I was on a public bus, which was extremely crowded as usual. I was standing, and a middle-aged man stood beside me. After a while, I felt that the man had gotten too close to me and was trying to rub his genitals against me. I thought maybe I was reading too much into it and that it was mistaken, but soon enough I realized that he was doing it intentionally and continued doing so till I shouted and told him to stay away. Unfortunately, this is not an isolated incident in my life or the lives of countless women in Bangladesh. Sexual harassment and assault are rampant in this country and are often rooted in the deep-seated sexual repression that many Bangladeshi men experience.
Despite the claims of women’s empowerment and equal social status, women in Bangladesh are still labeled and treated as objects. Far from being friends, competent co-workers, or simply human beings, they are often seen through a narrow, binary lens that limits their identities.
Their identity and social role is often limited to caregivers (mothers, wives, sisters) or as a source of pleasure. This bigoted view of women in this country is a product of deeply ingrained patriarchal attitudes that have been permeating society for generations.
While there are legal protections and policies aimed at promoting women’s rights and safety, due to our cultural attitudes and social norms, these legal steps fail to make any worthwhile change. People continue to reinforce gender stereotypes (women being too emotional, physically weak, and overall, inferior to men), objectification, and sexual harassment.
Century-old traditions and cultural norms discourage unsupervised interaction between the opposite sexes. Men and women being friends is miles away, especially when they aren’t even allowed to exchange pleasantries in some places. For starters, most of the schools and colleges in our country do not promote co-educational curricula, and young men and women do not get the opportunity to interact. With this kind of restriction in a controlled setting like that of an educational institution, most men cannot form friendships with women. This lack of communication creates mystery around the opposite sex, leading to different kinds of misunderstandings and misconceptions about how women really are and how they should be treated. Men in Bangladesh think it is okay to objectify women and to treat them as inferior beings from a young age due to lack of awareness and exposure to exaggerated or distorted female portrayals.
Pop culture plays a role in forming men’s perspectives on women. Movies, TV shows, advertisements, and music often portray women as objects of desire, the prize, lacking a moral compass or as submissive to men and needing to be rescued.
To give an example, the movie “Kabir Singh” is a love story of a young couple who fall in love in college, but it glorifies toxic masculinity and romanticizes harassment. Such narratives reinforce the idea that women are objects to be pursued and conquered, rather than individuals with their own voices and autonomy. This kind of portrayal also distorts the viewer’s outlook on gender roles and relationships.
Unlike many Western societies, there is a lot of taboo surrounding sex and sex education in Bangladesh. As sex is considered a discrete issue because of cultural and religious beliefs, people are discouraged from openly discussing it. Although our country’s national curriculum includes the subject Physical Education covering important topics on sex, reproduction, pregnancy, harassment, sexually transmitted diseases, and prevention, teachers do not educate students on these concerns as extensively and prefer grazing over these topics.
Moreover, the idea of consent does not make it onto the pages let alone discussions.
In Western societies, teenagers are provided with sex education from a young age. Due to the openness of the culture, they can freely share their concerns and have access to resources to learn more about their sexuality, which keeps them away from misinformation.
Contrary to our country, people learn about these from porn and other unreliable sources. In pornography, sex is displayed in an unhealthy and unnatural manner. In these depictions, women are portrayed in a sexist way and are frequently subjected to acts of pleasure-seeking violence. Watching these contents, people develop problematic sexual behaviors and fantasize about unrealistic scenarios and sexual desires.
In a way, they blur the line between reality and fiction by believing that pornography is a realistic portrayal of sex.
They seek partners to fulfill those fantasies and violent sexual urges, but due to social restrictions, most of the time they are unable to do so.
Repressing such strong needs for a long time makes them insatiable for sex, and it manifests as aggression towards women. Regardless of their relationship, location, or time, men lust after women they come across to fulfill their desires. They sometimes befriend or help a girl purely for the purpose of benefiting from her sexually. However, if they do not act on their urges, they become antagonistic toward women and show problematic behavior like slut-shaming women for being friendly and cordial or because women chose to wear ‘liberal clothes’. This verbal aggression leads to physical assault.
Sometimes sexual assault is primarily about power and control rather than sexual desire.
Perpetrators employ violence as a means to exert power. This stems from the structure of our society. Our society places men in positions of power and lauds them for exercising dominance over their families, workplaces, and other social structures. It allows men to cultivate toxic masculinity, and they feel that they are entitled to women’s lives and that women are objects to be conquered.
But why do they resort to sexual violence as a means to exert power?
When a woman is sexually abused, in the moment she is helpless and overpowered. Most women develop PTSD, their sense of self-dignity and confidence is shattered. Due to the social backlash if they come forward with what has happened to them or because of having to keep it a secret to protect face, it is very difficult for women to rise back to their feet and get the support they need.
By inflicting such abuse, men are able to assert their dominance through an act that ought to to be between intimate partners and private. It is a way for them to reinforce gender roles and stereotypes, as they view women as submissive and inferior to men.
These are some of the reasons why rape cases, sexual assault, and marital rape is rising in Bangladesh. Every day, horrifying stories of men abusing, raping, and occasionally killing women and young girls are reported. Women do not feel safe in public places, parents are concerned about their young daughters and restrict them from going out alone. The irony is that this unsafe and hostile circumstance reinforces the notion that women need a male guardian, for protection and for survival.
Women are not only at danger because of unfamiliar men, sometimes it is their close friends. In fact, it is sometimes their own relatives.
To quote a recent incident, a victim named Nandita Priyodarshini posted her harrowing experience regarding sexual harassment on social media. She went on a trip with her friends, and one of her male friends (whom she had known for three years) inappropriately touched her. She was so scared and traumatized that she could not receive any kind of help or freely open up to anyone. This is just one of many incidents that occur around us. There are numerous other examples of men abusing girls.
These situations are further exacerbated by the fact that many of these cases go unreported due to stigma and shame. Even if someone raises her voice, because of our victim-blaming mindset, she gets criticized online as well as in real life.
People, mostly men, start to question her character, how she dresses, and how her family is. Moreover, because of this social mindset, men become more aggressive and violent without any fear of repercussions.
Assault and violence against women are serious issues that need to be addressed. It is high time that we, as a society, start to take the initiative to create a safer environment for women, and it can start with changing our misogynist mindset and unlearning the gender norms we have grown to internalize. We need to educate people about respecting women and their consent, and most importantly, we need to enable women and girls to speak up about the harassment they face without fear of judgment or retribution.