Before understanding the negative consequences of toxic friendships and the ways to get rid of it, we need to first identify what a toxic friendship is.
Needless to say, the depth of mutual understanding between friends differs from an individual to another. But a friendship turns toxic when there is a significant amount of difference in wavelength between the friends. It is when a friend makes their friend feel small, unappreciated and drains the positivity out of them. A toxic friendship is when there is no longer mutual understanding, respect and trust involved for each other.
How to spot signs of an unhealthy friendship:
- When there is no room for growth
- There is always an unhealthy competition
- Belittling each other, one friend belittling the other
- Avoiding each other, one friend avoiding the other
- Trust issues
- There is no respect
- One friend becomes obsessive over the other
- Becoming possessive and extremely clingy towards a friend
- Narcissism
Effects and Consequences
Toxic friendships drain the energy out of a person and leave them feeling exhausted. It can also leave long term negative effects. An unhealthy friendship can cause years-long trust issues. Constant judgements and belittling from friends over a long period of time, makes a person question their own identity and how they view the world. Even the lack of encouragement, appreciation and words of affirmation from friends can contribute to a person’s insecurities. People start to question their ability to form an opinion of others as well as their ability to make coherent judgements.Toxic friendships also turn people bitter towards potential friendships in the future. Unfortunately, a single toxic experience can destroy a person’s total outlook on the beauty of friendship itself.
Usually people with lower self-esteem seem to fall prey to toxic friendships. It’s because of their low self-worth that they feel it’s okay to be treated this poorly.
They believe as if they deserve to be treated this way. They don’t realize how mentally deteriorating it is to maintain an unhealthy friendship. They lose their sense of self and depend on a toxic friend for validation, where the toxic friend feeds their ego off of their friend’s insecurities. It is a very toxic and self destructive position to be in.
Good Riddance of bad friendships
The first and the most difficult step is to identify the toxicity. People often turn blind eye to the problem because of the guilt attached to it.They feel as if they owe their loyalty to their friend. It is not easy to cut ties with a friend with whom you’ve spent years making uncountable memories and going through waves of experiences. But one’s mental health, peace and sanity are worth way more than maintaining a toxic relationship just for the sake of nostalgia and guilt. So, identifying the toxicity and setting up boundaries can be the stepping stone in this case. One must detach the sentiments and recognize it is not their responsibility to impress a certain friend or wait for others’ approval of things when they do not receive the equal treatment in the relationship. Recognize it is not your job to fix your friend. So, one needs to be honest and take a stand for themselves.Walk away from that toxic situation no matter how hard it is or how selfish it might seem. Let the friend know why you feel that the friendship has become toxic in the first place and end it right there. There is no user manual guide to do it. Just detach yourself from the situation and walk away without any backward glance. Finally, treat the breakup with sincerity. There is no such thing as a mutual separation on good terms when the friendship was a toxic one. So, understand that the separation is final and treat it as one.
Like every other relationship, there must be respect, trust and codependency in a friendship. It shouldn’t ever be taken for granted.
But as much as you cherish your friendships and your friends, don’t ever give it the power to make you feel any less than you are. Remember, even though friends influence a lot in you, you’re still your own person and you’re enough for yourself.